by Alice Petzold

 Many of us say we want to move ahead in our lives, we say want to create something better. But “saying” and actually “being ready and willing” to move in certain areas of our lives, are very different things.

Moving and shaping our lives requires courage – courage to face our “gaps.” But not everyone is able to take on the gap. Often times we see what’s not ideal in our lives as just how things are, just how we are, the best things will get, good enough, or even worse, something we will get through.

In the world of coaching, there is a saying: We either have reasons or results.

Everyone can benefit from working with a coach…but coaching is not for everyone. It is not for the faint of heart.

And we have really good reasons. Ever notice how someone else’s reasons can sound like “blah, blah, blah?”

Notice our reasons are completely plausible. In fact our friends can become clearinghouses to validate our reasons. Co-workers can be equally effective in supporting reasons… in fact we can see consensus around the office about why things will never change, this can spread like a virus infecting each new hire’s hope, dreams and aspirations

It’s interesting to notice where the commitment of the individual lies. Are you more committed to your reasons or your results? Are you ready to move forward in support of what you want for yourself and your life… or are you more interested in reasserting why things are how they are.

Over time we may begin to relate to ourselves as if we are a certain way. Like it is something ingrained in our personality… heaven forbid we have some formalized test that confirms what we thought we knew about ourselves. “I am an introvert so I....”, “I prefer logic over...”,“I am a blue…” “I have a slow metabolism so…”, “I am a type A personality so I…”

I have no intention to take anything away from testing and grouping. In fact I use it in my work. It provides tremendous insight and understanding. But in contrast to the notion that you “are” a certain way…it might be worth considering that you just picked up a bad habit. Over time habits can look like personalities, character traits… reasons we are how we are.

In essence, we can build evidence for any theory. We can use that evidence to inspire us in support of achieving results or in support of the reasons we don’t have them.

Where are reasons prevailing in your life? Do you have reasons or results in your business? With your family? With your spouse? Your lover? Your best friend? Your ex-best friend? Your school? Your playground? Your health? Your finances?

And what about that idea you were so passionate about that it kept you up at night that you pretend no longer sounds like a good idea?

So what does all this have to do with heart and courage and Valentine’s Day? Maybe if you look into your heart… you will have a sense of what I am talking about. What is your “gap”? Are you really okay with the reasons in your life?

As I mentioned, coaching is not for everyone. It is not for the faint of heart. It takes courage to look at your life and move in the direction of your passions, to move through your resignation, the heartbreak of past disappointments.

If not you then who? If not now then when?